She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
