A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
