well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize