Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
