what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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