She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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