Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
