you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
And then he peed in my hair
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