i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
