Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
