we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
