Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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