Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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