Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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