haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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