Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
