we're blogging at a bar
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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