So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
