He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize