this beer tastes like vomit already
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
