how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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