made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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