your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
