i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
