I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
