I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
