Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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