if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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