Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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