I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
