If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize