airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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