my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
