Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
