I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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