I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
