he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
