you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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