it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
