Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Damn victory sex feels great
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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