I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
