he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
