Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
