and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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