There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize