Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
