I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
