when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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