Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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