A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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