What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
