That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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