i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
