Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
