Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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