im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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