when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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