I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize