she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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