btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
