It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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