My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
