i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
