i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize