Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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