No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
