After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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