There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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