Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
