Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Randomize
