Sponge bath it is.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Randomize
