I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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