The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
