Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
