i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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