he thought i was a dude.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Randomize
